Excavating, healing and integrating the shadow self is the hardest part of the personal improvement journey.
As we grow and become socialized, we receive cues and direction from our parents and society that there are things about us that are bad or unacceptable. We begin to divide ourselves into multiple parts – the part we show to the world (the Persona) and the part we hide from the world (the Shadow).
The “shadow” was deeply explored by psychiatrist Carl Jung and describes those aspects of the personality that we choose to reject and repress. We have parts of ourselves that we don’t like—or perceive that society won’t like or will reject us because of these qualities—so we push those parts down into our unconscious psyches.
The collection of repressed aspects of our identity is the shadow self – Irrational and embarrassing fears. Repressed ideas and emotions. Destructive thought patterns. Impulses. Perversions. Do these things frighten you? This is the dark side of the psyche that is present in all of us.
Self-division leads to fragmentation and a fractured psyche. A fragmented person can not handle adversity because they are not whole and this leads to disintegration or a breakdown or person who falls apart.
The fractured psyche leads to patterns that become negative recurring themes in our lives – toxic relations, chronic disease and pain, perfectionism, phobias, irrational fears, low self-esteem, financial issues, a disconnect from yourself and others, etc.
How can you truly love yourself if you are too afraid to fully explore yourself?
The Shadow needs to be examined, freed and finally integrated into the Self so that we can become whole and heal the negative themes in our life. Integration brings wholeness and allows you to take ownership and responsibility for everything rather than rejecting or denying it.
This deep exploration of the self requires a solid foundation. One must first focus upon cultivating self-love and esteem, increasing awareness and recognizing all the goodness stored in the core of who you are.
Along the journey to become a more whole being, we must face our inner fears or inner demons. This means accepting the fears and acknowledging them so that they no longer have control over you.
Realize that EVERYONE has their shadow side – not just you. Knowing that important fact should empower you to not let fear, humiliation or embarrassment stop you from healing your negative conditioning, forming your own mindset, and shedding off ideas and principles that no longer support who you are along the journey to becoming your whole self.
Begin examining the shadow by researching, journaling, and gathering intelligence about what is hidden. Have a dialogue on paper with yourself and resolve with yourself how you can integrate all aspects of all you feel with love and without judgements. Be sure to take all the time you need. This work is not designed to be completed in one session.
Additional tools that support building a strong foundation include – meditation, journaling, breath work, stress management, and setting healthy boundaries. As you begin to live these principles and become rooted in your true self and you no longer seek external validation from others – you can now tackle the shadow self.
| What are you struggling with? How can you heal it? | What are your unwanted thoughts and feelings? What do you dislike about yourself? |
| What irritates, irks, or triggers you? What patterns keep showing up in your life? | Who sets you off constantly and why? Are there qualities in this person that also resides in you? |
| Can you learn to accept and perhaps transform the qualities that you hate about yourself? What are the steps you will take to accomplish this? If not, what is holding you back? | How do you judge yourself and why? How do you perceive you are judged by others and how does this make you feel? Are your perceptions about these judgements real or imagined? |
| What are your deepest, darkest fears? What are your underlying fears you have who/what you love and enjoy in your life? Why do these fears exist? | How can you become more loving and accepting of yourself? How can you begin to give people more space and be loving and accepting so they can fully be themselves around you? |
| What responsibilities and tasks do you run away from? Why? | What does superiority complex mean to you? |
| What are your fears and experiences around loss? How can you overcome them? | What do you envy in someone else’s life and why? How can you take steps to release that envy? |
After you have thoroughly investigated your shadow and the root causes of your hidden thoughts and feelings. Be gentle with yourself as you walk in the new path you have chosen to forge for yourself.
